THE DEPRESSION WAVE

This past week has been a roller coaster burst of emotions for me, this topic is a very sensitive one and I struggled so hard on whether to share this because I felt it was a little too personal, but the recent trend on the guy that committed suicide because of false accusation on rape gave me the boost I needed to share this.

Everyone one way or the other has felt down, depressed, sad at one point in their lives, but it is actually up to us to decide whether to to allow this depression sink us in or to float through the wave, live through the moments, wipe your tears and continue with life.

These past week made me realize how deadly depression was because I experienced it. I could be laughing and all of a sudden this sadness just takes over and I go to a private place and burst into uncontrollable tears for minutes, when I'm done crying, I would wash my face and go back laughing like nothing happened.

There were times I cried myself to sleep at night and if anyone had at that moment caught me crying and asked what was wrong to be sincere I had no idea. All I wanted was to cry, be sad, and to be left alone. It was like I was falling into a dark hole and I wanted someone to keep me from fall and yet I still wanted to continue falling, I could not just control those emotions.

What I am trying to say is sometimes it is okay to let those emotions out, but we should not let it get to the point that we cannot control it, once depression hit, it controls our everyday lives, I stopped writing because of this because everything line I wrote was depressing, I was not doing anything productive, I stopped eating, I would just lie all day to think, cry, and sleep.

I knew I had to live that place I had created for myself, I hated that place, hated the feeling, but I knew no one would understand me, the only time I felt happy was going on  Twitter, yes it is surprising but it is the truth because it made me forget what I was going through, if you are going through same, find something that would keep your mind off it, read a book, go on a vacation, most importantly talk to someone.

Also learn to check up on your loved ones, most times a person's " I am fine" means the opposite, not everyone with with a smiling face is really happy, sometimes a smiling face is a mask to hide the sadness that dwells within. Learn to open up to people about your inner pain, you might think they will not understand but talking to someone alone is uplifting, this has been one of my major issues, I dealt with this alone because I felt it was not my place to burden other people with my problems and one day for the first time in years I decided to talked to God sincerely, I decided that night that I was tired and I prayed like I was talking to a friend, I poured out everything to him and that night I felt this peace I have not felt, my heavy heart was relieved and since then I have been my old happy self, productive and positive.

I decided to share this not because I wanted anyone to feel any pity for me but because I wanted anybody reading this and going through depression to know that you are not alone, try to find a way to let go of that burden, forgive that person, think positive, try loving yourself, try moving on from that relationship that broke you, talk to someone and if you can't, pour your heart to God, it is not going to be easy but little by little things will fall into place and you will be happy again.

While thinking of a title to give this post, I imagined depression to be a wave and a person is caught and trapped inside this ocean wave, all you need is strength and determination to pull through, all you need is the will to tell yourself that no matter how strong this wave is I'm going to beat it.

This phase will definitely will come to an end by then you will realize how strong you are.

One love.